This is Ruckford MacMullit and I want everyone to know that I am 100% pro Nebraska.
There has been a lot of talk lately about getting rid of Nebraska, maybe having it auctioned off or even surgically removed, but I believe that a healthy Nebraska is an important part what makes this nation…however it is.
And furthermore, allow me to state that I am also:
Pro yodeling
Pro slinky
Pro tractor
Pro boscis
And even pro wrestling
But don’t think I am some sort of yes man. There are several things I am adamantly against:
I am anti ABBA. ABBA exposure has been proven to cause irritability in lab animals and is not particularly pleasant for the lab technicians either. In addition I am:
Anti body
Anti matter
Anti disestablishmentarianism
And anti depressant
I am glad that I could be clear on these important issues. If you have any questions about where I stand on subways, astroturf, or hardwood flooring, feel free to contact me in care of this fine publication.
Your Nebraska has to go, otherwise it will poison your whole system. Get it over with now, before we have to remove your Ohio as well.
Are random announcements of questionable importance really all that urgent?
Pingback: The Ominous Comma » Blogging Week - Thursday Thirty-Seven
Wow!
I’m surprised you aren’t also Anti perspirant.
(I am.)
Debbie… is it?
I will have you know, young lady, that every announcement and pronouncement that issues forth from this sacred site is of the utmost importance.
That is why I issue them.
Hrrrumph.
Jolly good then.
Youthful young person,
I believe that good honest sweat is what has made America what it is: a bit sticky and overdue for a shower.
You don’t mess with success, missy.
Forgive me Mr. Danger (incoming!) for I was a bit arsey that afternoon.
MacMullit and Company are always of the utmost importance.
(tilted head, eyes wide open, smirk on face)
Yes, it be eye! Mooie Mooie Macho Man!!!!
Never been to Nebraskie. Herd much uv dem Ruskies mooved der. Since Ive neva been der I guess it kude go. mebe I cude go der and have dem make a statue. Give evy one a reasun fur goin.
It’s like a jungle some times, Makes me wunder what I do to keep frum goin unner.
(Looking in the mirror in awe)
Caustic Soda
I am pro bono (not Sonny or that Irish guy–I mean I work for free).
…pro-fane
…pro-lific (all right, anti-lific–lazy, I guess)
…pro-phylactic (I used to be pro-creative)
Anti-matter (not that it matters)
Anti-freeze (must return to the south)
Anti(e)-bellum (well, maybe not that kind of south)
Anti-viral (I’m very clean)
Why anti-abba? Is it because they never played in Nebraska?
Never been to Nebraskie. Herd much uv dem Ruskies mooved der. Since Ive neva been der I guess it kude go. mebe I cude go der and have dem make a statue. Give evy one a reasun fur goin.
It’s like a jungle some times, Makes me wunder what I do to keep frum goin unner.